three

I realize I have not written on this blog for months, and had in fact (perhaps deliberately) forgotten about it until just recently. Of course, I still haven't told anyone about it, but I will do that now...

I wrote a poem today, but I need at least 24 hours to decide if it is worth anything at all. However, if I don't post to this blog now, while I remember it, I may forget again. Thus, this:

Caligula's last words, apparently, as he was stabbed to death by his own guards, were "I am still alive." I learned that almost a year ago, but it remains one of the most fascinating and troubling of all the little things in my head. How did he mean it? Did he shout it in defiance, merely to prove to his murderers that as long as he was alive, he was completely alive? Was it one last desperate attempt to establish his immortality? I like to think it was simple spite, that he shouted it until he couldn't shout it and then hissed and gurgled it as he spat blood on his killers. I have tried to write the poem I know exists between me and those words, but I can't get it out.